It’s been a while since my last blog post. My Tuesday updates kind of tapered off as a major changes in my own life took root. I want to say that I was so distracted by everything going on, that I didn’t have the time to sit down and write a blog post. If I said that, however, I’d be lying. I had plenty of time and, in fact, thought about it often. I wanted to write many times — and had many ideas to write about! But I didn’t. At first, I couldn’t quite figure out what was holding me back. But then, after I spent some time on the topic in my mind, I realized just what it was.
See, life is this funny thing. If we view life like a classroom, we can draw many similarities. Recent events in my life have been those hard course topics that draw a lot of my attention. I knew that this time in my life would teach a me a lot and I think that it was my need to digest these lessons that kept me from writing.
I’ve been writing a lot about the same or similar topic(s). I believe in life and happiness, on empathy, on balance, and on the interesting and cohesive nature of all things being tied together yet inherently separated. I’ve thought much about this and even composed a tentative blog post about the way human beings are in terms of needing to put things in nice, neat boxes when creation and reality isn’t so clearly defined. About how we, as human beings, get so caught up when things that are supposed to be one way end up not being that way, when they aren’t in the right box, that it can drive us mad. I still want to post that blog post, because I think it’s a wonderful thought experiment to go into.
But even armed with a topic I was passionate about, I couldn’t will myself to sit down and begin typing here. I couldn’t figure out exactly why until today.
I need a break in perspective.
I didn’t just need a normal break, I need my perspective to experience something wholly unique and to interpret it and adjust accordingly. I needed the shift in my own cognative understanding and I needed to understand that it had happened and, once it had, how to interpret it all. As if watching a metamorphoses but for a creature I’d never seen before. I couldn’t write about it until I knew what it had become. I needed the final result.
Maybe I haven’t found it yet and I am still changing. One could argue that we are always changing and never stopping — and I would agree with them — but I think that I have come far enough pause and think.
The past month has been an interesting one. I’ve traveled across a several states, reunited with people from parts of my life that I believed were over, and rediscovered a few lessons about life and about people that I had forgotten. It’s has been a kind of nostalgic walk down memory lane. Perhaps the universe is taking me down this path to ask me what I’ve learned and to see if I handle things differently or fall into old habits. Perhaps I am being given a second chance to pace through situations where I had made my mistakes, and make amends. Perhaps I am facing people from my past so that I can help them, or so that they can help me. Or perhaps I’ve returned to these places because I willed it myself, since it’s familiar and easier.
Whatever the reason, it’s a place that I feel happy with. I have a few major life decisions to make but not ones that are stressing me out or causing me any kind of suffering. Perhaps I will take steps as my intuition or the omens of the world suggest, and beyond that I’ll simply wait. Or maybe I will forge my own path based on what I want.
The lesson that I want to share in this post is one of many that I have discovered (or rediscovered), and that is one of kindness. In the past — in a life that I had lead that was very similar to the one I am leading now — I was not as kind as I could have been. I was not kind to myself, to those who were close to me, or to those that I worked with. I focused on the negativity that I could find and I broadcasted it to all those who would hear it. I told everyone how bad things were all the time and upon my exit, I was aware only on the outskirts of my spiritual senses, that I had generated the energy — in part or in whole — that had sent many of those around me off in directions that caused them to exit my life.
Friends went searching for new jobs, close-knit groups of professionals disbanded in the name of moving on with their careers, and friendships crumbled under the duress of their interdependent life stressors. I pointed out how bad things were for so long and, as if it were a curse, the negative energy I put out disbanded the remaining good things that I spent so little time appreciating. I look back on those times and don’t even recall the bad parts that I had been so vehement about. I only remember my friends and our laughs, the lessons I had learned and how grateful I am to have learned them.
Now I stand on some of the same floors I did before, as a person very similar to the one I was before in title and in point of view.
It’s time to do things differently this time.
It’s time to wake up each day and take care of myself, smile, laugh, support others, and embrace positive things. It’s time to develop those who need it and embrace those who try. It’s time to accept others as assuredly as I would ask them to accept me. It’s time to highlight areas for improvement with the mind to repair and build, not demean and destroy.
Today I will take that step. And all I needed as a break in perspective.